Coming This Fall to TLC: The Worst Of Humanity

With shows like I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant, Jon & Kate Plus 8, and My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, TLC has quickly evolved from its roots as The Learning Channel to something that includes no learning whatsoever. In fact, the last time I watched a show on TLC, I forgot a bunch of important information.

“Let’s see… my phone number is 1-301-Jon-Kate-8– DAMMIT!”

Act Classy was fortunate enough to get the inside scoop on TLC’s fall lineup, and September can’t get here fast enough. Take a look below at the TLC 2012 schedule.

I Didn’t Know I Was Busey

The producers of I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant bring you an exciting and terrifying look at another medical phenomenon. Each year, more than 20,000 women all over the world wake up to discover that they’re actor Gary Busey. Doctors have no explanation, and there is no cure. TLC takes you inside the lives of three of these extraordinary women as they share their heartache, their courage, and their giant goddamn teeth.

The McCormick family struggles every day with the fact that mom, Karen, has turned into Gary Busey.

Little Hoarders, Big World

For hoarders, throwing away even the tiniest object can result in serious emotional trauma. Imagine, then, the pain felt by a select group of hoarders who only collect midgets when they’re told that they have to get rid of some of their midgets. Seriously, there are midgets everywhere in these peoples’ houses. You can’t make a move without stepping on a midget. Are we allowed to say midgets? Midgets.

“We know we have a lot of Matt Roloffs,” says Maria Lopez. “But they’re all so precious to us.”

Jon and Liz Plus Biz

When Jon Gosselin moves in with his new girlfriend Liz Jannetta, he’s surprised to learn that she’s the legal guardian of rapper Biz Markie. After caring for eight children and their legally insane mother, surely watching over a fully grown man won’t be a problem, right? Wrong. Come beatbox your way to love, laughs, and four-wheeler rides.

Oh snap! Guess what I rode!

Tarantulas & Tiaras

In a remote corner of Brazil, there is a fierce pageant circuit with unorthodox contestants: tarantulas. If you thought the world of toddler beauty pageants was intense, wait until you get a load of these eight-legged beauties.

The teeth may be fake, but the sass and pizazz are 100 percent genuine.

Ice Road F*%#ers

The History Channel can keep its boring trucks. TLC has hardcore sex served up just the way you like it… on the rocks with a twist of awesome. Watch as couples in northwestern Canada attempt to complete coitus before the temporary ice roads beneath them crack and send them to their deaths in the frigid water below.

Please crack and send them to their deaths in the frigid water below.

X-treme Couponing

TLC’s Extreme Couponing has been a surprise hit, converting millions of couponers into extreme couponers. It’s time to take couponing to the next level of extreme by removing the first “e,” focusing on the “x,” and putting everyone on rollerskates. Want to save a dollar on that yogurt that makes you poop? Lace up your wheels and kick some ass.

“Price check on this bitch’s cracked skull!”

That’s it, Classy people. Any ideas for TLC shows you’d like to see? Leave them in the comments!

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