Top 17 Forthcoming Video Game Sequels!

We here at Act Classy love ourselves some video games. They’re crazy fun, they help take us away from the crippling reality of our lives, and they finally give us an excuse to swear at 14-year-olds who call us names without worrying that they’re carrying knives.

The first time you get to second base counts if you’re wearing the Power Glove, right? RIGHT?!

Anyway, with this year’s E3 already behind us, we’re looking forward to the next batch of video games that will undoubtedly alienate us from our families and loved ones irreparably. Now, video games–much like Hollywood–are clogged with sequels. Sequels and more sequels are the lifeblood of the industry, because why spend tremendous amounts of money and years of man hours on something people might not buy? Just slap a “2″ or a “XI” or a “Redemption” after the title of a game that you know already sells and watch the money roll in. Some are good, some are bad, but they all add to the ever increasing Gamerscore that prevents me from raising my son.

SOMEONE was SUPPOSED to be watching my 6…

So in honor of all of the sequels that are about to drop (or so I assume) and fill us with gamer joy, I now present to you The Top 17 Forthcoming Video Game Sequels!

1. Cooking Metroid
2. Resident Yoshi
3. Halo Tennis
4. Luigi’s Maniac Mansion
5. Heavy Rayman
6. Metal Gear Solid 15: Nuthin’ But Cut Scenes!
7. New New Super Mario Brothers! (The “New” part is the use of the extra word “new”)
8. Donkey Kong: San Andreas
9. Diablo IV (just got bumped to the year 2145)
10. Street Fighter Alpha Turbo Hyper Wonky Championship Super Japanese Edition
11. Call of Kirby
12. Uncharted: Ace Attorney
13. Pac Man: Arkham Asylum
14. World of Pongcraft
15. Lara Croft: Doom Raider
16. Duke Sudoku Forever
17. Kart of War