Welcome to the Future snapchat

Published on March 19th, 2013 | by Brad Stephenson

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An Old Person’s Guide To Snapchat

Have you heard “the kids” mention this new Snapchat thing? Perhaps you feel old and out-of-touch and have been wondering:

  • What is Snapchat?
  • How does it work?
  • No one ever calls. Does anyone still love me?
  • Will these sunflower seeds get stuck inside my colon forever?

Well, old person, you’ve come to the right place, for we at Act Classy have years of experience pushing the elderly out of their comfort zones and getting them engaged in modern society. Remember Act Classy’s School for Elderly Driving?

elderly-driving

All we can say is, thank god for Obamacare.

If you have a few moments, please read on. If you’re in a hurry, here are the quick answers to the above questions:

  • It’s a new social media app that helps you send pics of your junk.
  • You take a picture of your junk and hit send.
  • Nope.
  • Absolutely. But forever isn’t that long for you.

For those who have either decided to stick around either by choice or because you’ve just suffered a severe stroke in front of your Web TV, here is a longer description of Snapchat.

snapchat

For the most accurate depiction of Snapchat, replace the mustache with man DNA and the heart with that girl’s boobs.

Snapchat is a photo messaging application for your iOS or Android device that was developed by students from Stanford University’s Center for Junk Pic Texting and Cleavage Research (CJPTCR). What makes Snapchat unique is the ability to set a duration on a message so recipients have a limited time to view it. Once the time limit has expired, the message is deleted from the recipient’s device and from the Snapchat servers. It’s like that close-up of your balls never even existed. And if the recipient takes a screenshot of your testicles, you’ll receive a notification. So you can… you know… know that they did that.

man-at-door

“Excuse me, ma’am. I sent a picture of my scrotum to your teenage daughter, and she took a screenshot. Now, I don’t mean to cause a big scene or get her into trouble. I’d just like her to delete the photo from her phone. It was pretty rude. Snapchat should be a safe place.”

If you’re still interested in Snapchatting, here is a handy step-by-step guide.

Act Classy’s Guide to Snapchat

Step 1: Download the Snapchat app from the iOS store or Android market (if you still hold on to some foolish belief that Android devices are in any way better than the iPhone).

Step 2: Take a picture of two strangers kissing.

snapchat-kissingStep 3: Whisper, “Mmm. Perfect.”

Step 4: Murder those people.

Step 5: Send a Snapchat of their bodies to a friend!

Step 6: If you receive a notification that the friend took a screenshot, return to Step 4 and murder your friend.

Step 7: Send a picture of your penis to someone. Here’s mine:

tumblr_inline_mj6nbuoLhL1qz4rgp

 We hope you’ve enjoyed this edition of Technology for the Elderly. Thanks for joining us. We also hope you’re still alive.

By the way, Act Classy is now on Snapchat. Our username is ActClassy. Send us something, we’ll take a screenshot, and it will be featured on our Facebook page.

What technology scares you? Leave us a comment below!

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About the Author

Brad Stephenson is a Pittsburgh-based writer, actor, director, chupacabra hunter, and father. His work has been featured in various print and online publications, including MamaPop.com and PopCityMedia.com. Brad doesn't care how many pamphlets you send him. He will never believe that Restless Leg Syndrome is a real thing. Suck it up and quit moving your damn legs so much... he's trying to sleep. Also, Brad really likes burgers and pizza.



  • John

    this website is a joke

    • http://www.twitter.com/bstephenson Brad Stephenson

      That’s kinda the point, John.

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