Published on October 2nd, 2012 | by Jive Turkey6
Which One of You Bought The Mummified Cat Slam Dunking a Mummified Bird on eBay, And Can I Buy You a Beer?
Congratulations, world. Two of your citizens are secretly awesome.
Ladies and gentlemen of the Internet, you need to know that an actual human being who is currently drawing breath along with the rest of us on this planet took the time and creative energy (and, apparently, full advantage of unfettered access to bird and cat corpses) to bring this into the world:
Yes. That’s a mummified cat slam dunking a mummified bird, and its terrifying beauty is filling a void in your soul that you didn’t even know existed.
Unfortunately for most of us, that void will remain empty, because some fortunate (yet anonymous) individual purchased this song of my soul off of eBay recently, where its maker had posted it for sale because…I don’t know — he got tired of looking upon THE FACE OF GOD on a daily basis? That’s my only guess.
Now that the sale has ended, no more trackable information is available about the seller, and, of course, we know nothing of the buyer. Well, nothing except that he or she knows a goddamn solid investment when he/she sees it, and that you probably never want to be in his/her house at night. All we know is that there are two people in this world who have given meaning to our fleeting existence on this planet. If you’ve ever wondered why you’re here, it’s because you’re supposed to use your hands to do THIS. Or to at least steal some money out of your kid’s savings account to BUY IT. Who would’ve thought the meaning of life would come in the form of a resin-soaked creature who spent hours licking its own asshole on the bathmat? Well, I did. But I hate to say I told you so.