Weird Amazon Recommendations

I do a pretty decent portion of my shopping on Amazon. I have a “Prime” account and I find that as a pretty busy working mom, it really helps to be able to buy a few necessities at a time and get them in two days or less when a trip to Target isn’t always feasible. Mind you, I understand the importance of supporting local businesses and patronize those very often. But the one unique experience that a mom-and-pop shop can’t provide you with is the weird and wonderful world of Amazon recommendations.

When you view an item on Amazon, right below you’ll find a handy recommendation for related products that you might also want or need. Most of the time, I try to ignore them because I’m far too susceptible. But every once in awhile, a recommendation will appear that is just so bizarre. You might feel that you should resist clicking on it, but that would be a mistake. The recommendation wormhole that awaits you is amazing.

A friend of mine had a baby a few months ago and I was picking out a few new mother necessities to send to her. I’m not sure what went wrong (or what went very, very right) but this was recommended to me while shopping for some breastfeeding accessories.

It’s a line of humorous and extremely specific hand sanitizers. And if you were purchasing gifts for a new mom with a fantastic sense of humor, you might include this for her to have ready for guests who want to handle her precious newborn. These hand sanitizers come in several other varieties: Bitch Slap those Germs!, Cleaner than Shit, Divine Intervention, Ew, I Heart My Penis, OCD, Smack My Germ Bitch, and You Nasty.

I wish I could remember how Amazon came to recommend the Wheelmate Laptop Steering Wheel Desk to me. Perhaps I had searched for “convoluted ways to commit suicide?” In any case, I became aware of this thing’s existence. It’s a desk for your steering wheel and it is somehow legal. Amazon reviewers have been having fun with this thing for years.

Amazon reviews have become a genre unto themselves and the more ridiculous products and their reviews have become internet famous. So, the recommendations listed with stuff like a desk for your car have some items familiar to Amazon review fans. Tuscan Whole Milk (Google it) is a pretty constant presence, but perhaps even more wonderful is this David Hasselhoff CD.

AUS DER TV-WERBUNG! Any amount of Hasselhoff in my day just throws me off completely. The Hoff’s smoldering gaze is intimidating enough as it, but when you put on this sexy background of something mottled and add in the fact that it’s one of those pictures whose eyes follow you wherever you go, it becomes the portal to an alternate dimension. But I can’t get too upset when it allows me to read stuff like this (click to enlarge):

source, source, source

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Tags: Amazon, Amazon recommendations, David Hasselhoff, featured

About the Author

kdiddy kdiddy is a lifelong Pittsburgher and always has trouble readings people’s facial expressions when she tells them that. She’s been a writer since somewhere around second grade, when she penned a novella about a monster who attacked her suburb, devoured all of the kids in her Catholic school, and put a hurt on the supply of hot dogs in the cafeteria. Since that auspicious beginning, she’s earned a few fancy-pants writing degrees and vomited her words in print and online (kdiddy.org, MamaPop.com). Her hobbies include wife-ing, mothering, showing hoes no love, carbs, and candy.