STAHP nick-mom

Published on October 17th, 2012 | by Jive Turkey

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NickMom: STAHP

If you have kids, then you know that the worst thing about parenthood is when people are hellbent on making it edgy and cool.

“He plays me lullabies on the didgeridoo and makes me bring fair trade carob clusters to play group. HELP ME.”

Parenthood is not edgy. Parenthood is not cool. You may retain your coolness as an individual after having kids, but the business of parenting itself? It’s as lame as can be. Of course, if you think things like wiping someone else’s ass on the reg is cool, then yeah, parenting is cool.

And if peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.

The problem is, there seems to be a never-ending crusade of people who are desperate to convince modern parents that parenting IS cool, and they bring with them a never-ending supply of horrible ideas to get the (impossible, unnecessary) job done.

Nickelodeon. Wat r u doin. Nickelodeon. STAHP.

Allow me to introduce you to NickMom, Nickelodeon’s cool late night programming just for cool moms because fuck those kids who want to watch Yo Gabba Gabba after 10pm. NickMom is “a mix of original long- and short-form humor-based programming, including talk shows, stand-up and sketch comedy, hidden camera and more,” because LORD KNOWS there isn’t anything else for adults to watch on TV after the kids have gone to bed. I mean, unless you count ALL THE OTHER FUCKING CHANNELS ON TV.

But what NickMom also is? Is terrible.

The promo picture above is from an original NickMom show, MFF: Mom Friends Forever. It’s a reality TV show about two actual moms who…you know what? You don’t need to know. No one does. It’s pretty much nothing but footage of these two complaining about how their kids never clean their rooms and OMG teenage boys are always hungry and let’s get together to say things like “You go girl!” and drink wine.

And can we talk about wine for a second? And how it has somehow become this status symbol of being a cool, laid-back modern mom/wife/lady of a certain age? Because I like wine–no, I LOVE wine–and I’ve loved it since my teenage from-the-box Franzia years, and I’ll be damned if my beverage of choice becomes the hallmark of NickMom’s target demographic/women who spend 75% of their time making menopause jokes.

STOP. RUINING. GOOD. THINGS.

But it’s this “edgy” kind of thing that’s getting NickMom in trouble with a whole heap of (insufferable) parents. With a stand-up show called Parental Discretion and ads featuring the pseudo-word “motherfunny” (UNNNNGGGGHHHH), NickMom was just begging the bored tightasses of the world to come after them. And come after them they did; with the NickMom programming still in its infancy, there’s already an entire movement dedicated to its demise:

Today, the NickMom problem. Tomorrow, maybe poverty and disease. MAYBE.

Though my reasons may differ from those of this movement, our end game is the same: take this shit off the air, Nickelodeon. KNOW YOUR MARKET. We come to you for Little Bear and for all things So Raven. Leave the actual entertainment to the experts.

Lest we forget the time HBO aired “Deadwood Jr.” Disastrous.

 

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About the Author

Jive Turkey lives in Pittsburgh, PA where she believes in the power of her dreams. A whimsical soul who was once called "just plain nasty" by an employee of the New Jersey DMV, Jive Turkey works as an actor, blogger (Jive Turkey, MamaPop, Pay it Forward), and playwright to support her passion for secretarial work. Her favorite pastimes include motherhood, frenching, and fostering a healthy grudge against the Sears Portrait Studio. She sincerely hopes you have a bitchin' summer.


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  • http://twitter.com/Simon_the_boy Simon Agirlandaboy

    “Mom Friends” is a phrase that should be written out and burned in a satanic ritual in order to entirely remove it from existence. Unless by “Mom Friend,” they mean a friend who comes over when mom’s out of town if you know what I mean. Most of my “Mom Friends” hang out over at International and 54th, and they can be in and out in less than 20 minutes.

  • kristin @ Going Country

    I saw a story about this and my immediate reaction was, “Why the hell would someone who parents all day want to watch programming all about PARENTING after their kids are in bed?” I don’t watch TV–choosing precious, precious sleep instead–but if I did after my kids went to sleep, I would NOT want to watch a bunch of other moms talk about their own kids. Stupid in so many ways.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=554375852 Josh Aronoff

    I HAVE to believe that the Nick executives are just banking on the fact that parents are too tired to move to switch the station, and that since the kids were watching Nick before, we might as well give them something to stare at while 3 slow tears fall out of their half comatose heads.

    I never realized sleep was precious until I almost went insane for a year for not getting any.

    Thanks Nick, what would NickDad look like? Car explosions and still pictures of close ups of guys faces in earnest concentration?

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