Published on October 18th, 2012 | by Jive Turkey0
RoundTable Thursday, October 18, 2012: Fearless Felix, Apple Maps, and Halloween
JOE LYONS: FIRST TOPIC! Felix Baumgartner proved this past weekend that a man can jump out of a space capsule in near-orbit and then plummet to Earth, breaking the sound barrier, and live to tell the tale. He did this because science. What’s the next dangerous thing he should undertake?
JIVE TURKEY: I want to see what happens when he goes outside in winter with damp hair. And what happens when he gives the milk away for free.
JOE LYONS: That’s cruel and unusual, Brad. No man should ever be subjected to that. Personally, I just want to see if any human being would be capable of watching TLC for more than 2 hours at a time without going insane.
SECOND TOPIC! You’ve been using Apple Maps to get to work. Where did you actually end up?
FRED: Well after writing Apple a strongly worded letter regarding my Maps App stearing me not to the Scenic Bear Cave where one can view bears in thier natural habitat frolicing and eating venison, but instead to a cave with an entirely different kind of bear eating an entirely different kind of meat, they sent me a replacement for the app. It was a magic golden flute and it came with this instructional video:
I kinda wish I’d gotten a Samsung.
JIVE TURKEY: Apple Maps took me to work, bought me a hot chocolate out of the machine, set me up at a small table with some post-it notes and dry erase markers to draw with, and told me to be quiet because it had a lot of work to get done. It’s OK though — Apple Maps promised I could play Minesweeper in a little bit, and said we might get to go to Arby’s for lunch.
ADDI TWIGG: Mine drove me to Google’s Pittsburgh office and directed me to park the car and pop the trunk. Turns out there’s a bomb in here, but I’m not too worried because the timer just keeps blinking “recalculating.”
JOE LYONS: Which is the last place anyone would want to end up.
Personally, I have decided to just not leave the house anymore because I think my Apple Maps app has switched coffee houses with ravines, hospitals with currently burning forest fires, and my house with the black market organ farm that I am currently incapable of escaping from.
FINAL TOPIC!!! Halloween is right around the corner. What are you dressing up as?
JIVE TURKEY: Why not both? Mangled Butthole bear might just take off and be manufactured as part of the Care Bears family of products. It will at least give Jerry something soft to clutch and scream into…although that’s what got him in trouble the first time. Oh, dear.