Published on September 19th, 2012 | by Jive Turkey3
The Ostrich Pillow Is Here To Turn All Your Naps Into Nightmares
Internet, I think it’s time I tell you that I think ostriches are deeply terrifying creatures.
I do, however, love napping as much (or possibly more) than I fear nature’s awkward ERMAHGERD BIRD, which is why I’m deeply upset over the newest craze in Weird Shit That Belongs in Skymall: the Ostrich Pillow.
No, that’s not what appears to be a plush version of an old-timey deep sea diver’s helmet, it’s actually a…well, OK, it’s a plush version of an old-timey deep sea diver’s helmet, but you’re not supposed to dive in it, you’re supposed to nap in it. Like this:
One part pillow and two parts Elephant Man hood, the Ostrich Pillow was developed by architecture and design firm Kawamura-Ganjavian, which I imagine to be staffed entirely with people who want to embarrass their friends and family. I mean, come on — how else can you explain this thing?
My friends, as I said before, I love naps. I can (and will) sleep anywhere, and indeed I have scored a power nap or two on airport benches, in parked cars, and sprawled out in a corner booth at Denny’s. True, I was a little drunk for that last one, but it is my understanding that you aren’t allowed inside Denny’s unless you’ve ingested at least 16 oz. of hard liquor.
But even a seasoned napper like myself has to draw the line at the Ostrich Pillow. Besides looking absolutely ridiculous, I am entirely certain that five minutes in that thing would leave your head a matted, sweaty mess. Nothing about it looks comfortable, unless, of course, your idea of relaxation is kicking it Guantanamo-style.
It appears I’m in the minority, though, because the Ostrich Pillow’s Kickstarter campaign is clicking steadily forward to its $70,000 goal. Like it or not, the Ostrich Pillow may very well be the future of napping.