Published on September 12th, 2012 | by Jive Turkey1
Soul Food: Actual Chicken Soup for the Soul And Other Terrible Ideas
If you’ve ever 1) had a birthday, 2) participated in a workplace Secret Santa exchange, or 3) have an elderly aunt, chances are you’ve been given a copy of one of the many Chicken Soup for the Soul variations. You know the books I’m talking about, right?
As if being assaulted by these books (and their inspiration poster and day-by-day desk calendar counterparts) wasn’t enough, we now have to brace ourselves for what we should’ve foreseen as the inevitable: actual Chicken Soup for the Soul. As in SOUP YOU CAN EAT. So, really, Chicken Soup for the mouth, esophagus, stomach, small and large intestine, and–eventually–anus.
Guys, I’m not even making this up. This bullshit is set to launch in 2013 and will feature an initial line of seven soups, including creamy tomato, mushroom barley, squash, and sweet corn (because there’s nothing more comforting than ingesting grains that you’ll see later in the turlet). What’s even more
interesting depressing is that the line will be expanded in 2014 to include pot pies, casseroles, stews, and gravies. Basically, the Chicken Soup for the Soul people will be primarily responsible for the fact that you won’t live long enough to meet your grandchildren.
I started thinking about how other companies might profit from embracing a similar “for the soul” approach, and I threw together a couple possible ideas:
Have any other ideas for comfort food based on inspirational, emotionally moving anecdotes about shit that probably never really happened because the human race is a bunch of selfish assfaces? Leave them in the comments!