Act Classy’s Top 17 Lists — America’s 17 Deadliest Jobs!
Jobs. It’s the most dangerous word in the world. It’s something we all need but never want to go to. Jobs are pretty much responsible for 100% of the deaths in America if you take into account how badly jobs affect our lifespan. If it weren’t for jobs, we’d all be living in some sort of Zen utopia…granted a Zen utopia without any sort of infrastructure, but that’s just me harshing on people’s buzzes…
Jobs are for squares!
Recently, the Bureau of Labor and Statistics released their list of the 10 DEADLIEST jobs in America. These are jobs that will flat out kill you in a heartbeat, unlike your office job which is just slowly killing you. Here’s the list, in descending order of deadliness:
- Fishers and related fishing workers
- Logging workers
- Aircraft pilot and flight engineers
- Refuse and recyclable material collectors
- Roofers
- Structural iron and steel workers
- Farmers, ranchers, and other agricultural managers
- Drivers/sales workers and truck drivers
- Electrical power-line installers and repairers
- Taxi drivers and chauffeurs
If you’re anything like me, you’re probably thinking “What a bunch of whiny crybabies.” DEADLY?! HA! Sure, these jobs could kill you without even breaking a sweat, but they’re nowhere near the deadliest jobs in America. Act Classy’s own Bureau of Labor, List Making, and Meatloaf (Both Food and Singer) Appreciation has looked over the facts and is now happy to provide you with the REAL list of America’s Top 17 Deadliest Jobs. Read at your own risk…especially since “List Reader” came in at #34 and won’t appear on this particular page…
1. Shark Masturbator
2. Bullet Swallower
3. Lana Del Rey Listener
4. Henchperson
5. The guy who resets the pins at the end of the lane in the bowling alley
6. The midget who operates Marc Dacascos
You have no idea who I am.
7. Anyone who works in TLC reality show quality control (due to mass suicides)
8. Researchers in charge of finding out why some people are sexually attracted to fire
9. Scrapple Taster
10 . Build-A-Bear Workshop Manager
11. Soldier who won’t shop showing people a picture of his wife
12. Hornet Poker
13. Member of Rod Stewart’s Entourage
Who wants to do a couple of lines of gunpowder?!
14. Quarry Diver
15. VHS Rewinder
16. Catapult Reviewer
17. Redshirts
Dangerous, ain’t they? Know of any more truly deadly jobs? Leave them in our classy comments section below!
About the Author
Joe Lyons Joe Lyons is a Pittsburgh-based humorist, playwright and the only man to successfully play Street Fighter II at Beeps, Balls & Bings in Camp Hill, PA blindfolded for 12 consecutive matches in 1992. His fighter of choice was E. Honda, thanks to the ease of his attacks, the reach on his punches and kicks, and the fact that when he flew through the air you could kind of see his butt. Butts are funny. Joe has been featured on Significant Objects, Hilobrow, MamaPop, and will someday spout his insanity on a gigantic video wall in the middle of a major city, like that Geisha lady from Blade Runner.
Related Posts
My God, What Have We Done: The Best Of Act Classy 2012 →
RoundTable Thursday, January 10, 2012: Resolutions, White House Sharts, and Bieber Intervention →
Debt Ceiling News: Republicans Apparently Unclear on The Way Money Works →
Comments