Act Classy’s Top 17 Lists: Neil Armstrong!
This past weekend, America lost one of its great heroes when Neil Armstong, the first human to ever set foot on a celestial body outside of Earth, passed away. It took a special breed of man to spit in the face of gravity and travel to places without oxygen and say, “Yeah, Imma walk on that.”
Sorry, ladies. No man will ever be as cool as me.
Now, we’re all familiar with Neil Armstrong’s famous quote as soon as he took that legendary first step onto the moon.
“That’s one small step for man. One giant leap for mankind.”
That legendary quote echoed throughout the world as Neil Armstrong accomplished that which seemed impossible. But were you aware that Armstrong’s epic quote was not the only quote he had prepared? That’s right! Armstrong was armed with an entire notepad full of quotes that he was ready to roll with after he took that historical first step. Fortunately for the world, he went with the most memorable one, but we here at the Act Classy’s Astronomical Historical Research and Baywatch Appreciation Society have uncovered the rest. It gives us great honor to present to you The Top 17 Other Quotes Neil Armstrong Was Prepared to Say When He Set Foot On The Moon!
1. Suck it, Russia!
2. We have landed successfully, Mr. President. Commencing the search for hot Moon Women.
3. Regrettably, it’s not cheese.
4. From this day forward, America will thrive on all of this incredible space-cheese.
5. KING KONG DON’T HAVE NOTHING ON ME!!!
NASA also engineered this haircut.
6. All you ladies gonna swoon. I just set foot on the f&%^ing moon.
7. It looks like Spain has already been here…psyche.
8. It looks like the Cold War is over, thanks to our new Lunar Supremacy.
9. The surface is hippie-free.
10. I’m just glad to be more than eight feet away from Aldrin.
11. I will reign here forever as Moon King.
12. Hey Mars! You’re next, bitch!
13. The Russian dogs and monkeys have completely taken over. Launching missiles now.
What do you mean “no cigarettes in the suit”?!
14. And now to scoop up some rocks for the Earth-Nerds.
15. I am so high right now.
16. One thing is for certain: no one will ever think we faked this.
17. With a happy heart and pride in my soul, I will flag-stab the moon surface.
We are detecting moon blood. Not a bunch, but it’s definitely moon blood. Why is everyone in Houston giggling?
So, we here at Act Classy salute you, Mr. Armstrong. We hope you enjoy your new job showing all of the new people around up there, since you’re the only guys with actual real-world experience. Got any other quotes Neil Armstrong might have said when he landed on the moon? Leave them in our classy comments box below!
About the Author
Joe Lyons Joe Lyons is a Pittsburgh-based humorist, playwright and the only man to successfully play Street Fighter II at Beeps, Balls & Bings in Camp Hill, PA blindfolded for 12 consecutive matches in 1992. His fighter of choice was E. Honda, thanks to the ease of his attacks, the reach on his punches and kicks, and the fact that when he flew through the air you could kind of see his butt. Butts are funny. Joe has been featured on Significant Objects, Hilobrow, MamaPop, and will someday spout his insanity on a gigantic video wall in the middle of a major city, like that Geisha lady from Blade Runner.
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