Know Your Holidays! Snoop-Dog-and-Martha-Stewart

Published on July 13th, 2012 | by Molly Karrasch

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Thirteen Facts About Friday the 13th (Yes, We’ll Call Them “Facts”)

#1  I’ve never seen Friday the 13th.  I KNOW.  Please remember, I told you very early on that I’ve never seen most of the things you love, so no more angry letters, y’all!

I’m sorry! I’ll never be nerdy enough for you!

 #2  Lots of people are afraid of Friday the 13th.  Like 17-21 million people.  

That’s, like, all these people, plus 17 million to 21 million more.

 #3  The fear of Friday the 13th is called friggatriskaidekaphobia, triskaidekaphobia, or paraskevidekatriaphobia.  I can’t say those words.  Millions of people are walking around suffering from something they probably can’t pronounce.  That is just devastating.

 #4  Julia Child died on Friday the 13th.  And Tupac.  So, I think Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg probably will too.  

MAKING BROWNIES

 #5  Some people are so afraid of Friday the 13th, they change their routine or adjust their plans or just don’t get out of bed.  In turn, there are less traffic accidents, fires, and thefts on this day.  This is a fact from the Internet.  

“Roads are unusually safe, all the morons seem to have called in sick today. Back to you in the studio, Candice and Brock.”

#6  I always forget it’s Friday the 13th.  I actually never know what day it is anymore.  I own six calendars!  Help me!

 #7  According to Wikipedia (as per usual), on April 19, 2029, the asteroid 99942 Apophis will make a close encounter with the planet Earth.  “Closer than the orbits of communication satellites.”  So, good luck with the cell phone/computer/Keurig in your brain on that day, cause service is gonna SUCK.  

 #8  They killed a real snake in Friday the 13th.  It wasn’t scripted, they just decided to do it!  Ah, nineteen hundred and eighty.  Movie was filmed in 1979 and PETA was founded in March 1980.  They really JUST slipped in under the wire. 

This just makes me smile, so you are welcome.

 #10  Things you shouldn’t do on a Friday (so I’m assuming especially not on a Friday the 13th): Change your bed linens, cut your fingernails, start a trip, begin a business deal or new job, or open a new play.  In short, continue to be the lazy, disgusting slob that you are.  Oh, and don’t get married.  Not that anyone would have you with those fingernails and filthy bed sheets. 

Now where DID you put those fingernail clippers?

 #11  Wean your child on a Friday, apparently.  I say wait for a Friday the 13th, just for funsies and then remind your child every Friday the 13th thereafter for the rest of your mutual lives.  It will be a fun holiday for you and the worst day of your child’s month every once in awhile.  

 #12  Some people think Jesus was crucified on Friday the 13th.  And I think somehow they might think this is his dad.

 #13  I’m in a play about depression and anxiety and an escaped tiger tonight.  And I really needed to change my sheets and cut my nails and do some business, BUT I’M SCARED OF ALL THAT NOW.  More scared of cutting my fingernails than getting mauled by a couch tiger.

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About the Author

Molly Karrasch acts classy as an actor-ess in Austin, TX, often as a company member at austinplayhouse.com. She is also a producer of theatre, writer of ridiculousness, mother of boy, keeper of books and would never get anything done without Jay-Z. An enormous percentage of her time is spent trying to kick anorexia in the face. She once pulled a pocket knife on rapper Mack 10 in a mini-van in a Wal-Mart parking lot; RELAX, it was to HELP him.


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  • SuzyQuzey

    You’re not supposed to get married on a Friday? Not telling that to the couple I’m marrying next Friday!

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