Published on July 27th, 2012 | by Joe Lyons6
Act Classy Has A Sneak Preview Of The Olympics Opening Ceremony!
The day is finally here. All of the training and the praying and the juicing and the cleansing and the denying that we juiced and the test failing and the test retaking and the passing the test in the end are all finally going to pay off. The Olympics opening ceremony is tonight, so THE 2012 SUMMER GAMES ARE UPON US!
Now, a few weeks ago I wrote about the horrible portraits that the American Olympians had to suffer through, but that’s all behind us now. The opening ceremonies are happening in London today and it’s all anyone can talk about. Four years ago, the Beijing Olympics put all other opening ceremonies to shame. The spectacle! The choreography! The magic of it all! It’s been four years and people are STILL talking about the Beijing opening ceremonies.
So, needless to say, the London Olympics has got their work cut out for them. They’re off to a good start though! They’ve hired Academy Award winning director Danny Boyle (Trainspotting, 127 Hours, Slumdog Millionaire) to direct the opening ceremonies and, so far, the buzz is GLOWING. It’s so good that we here at Act Classy couldn’t help ourselves and got to work on finding out the whole program beforehand. Some people say that we have an unhealthy obsession with spoilers, but we bet all of those people are probably going to either end up as ghosts or murders. After calling in a bunch of favors and sending a dangerous amount of black market Wendy’s Baconators across the pond, we’ve got our mitts on the entire program for the show and we want to share the highlights with you, the people who can’t seem to wait patiently for anything. Ready?
- Dramatic opening score by John Williams cut short by holograms of the Sex Pistols.
- Ricky Gervais stands in the middle of the stadium and mocks every country in alphabetical order while Cirque du Soleil performs their London-themed show “Rain Dreams of Terrible Teeth.”
- Get this, in a fit of comedy, there will be…*chuckle*…MEN wearing DRESSES! Oh, of all the things…
- We’ll be treated to the unique sports that London will be introducing to the Olympics for the first time ever.
- The middle third is a straight-up chamber drama where people hide their true emotions, deal with class warfare, and we’ll all just have to deal with the people who gasp at us when we tell them that this sort of thing is not our cup of tea.
- The entire team from Burkina Faso is made to think they’ve been wrapped up in a heroin-induced crime caper that has gone horribly wrong.
- Monty level? Full.
- And finally, the last 45 minutes of the ceremony is just this:
If you weren’t excited before, then you must be at least somewhat excited now! What are you looking forward to the most about the London Olympic ceremonies? Are there any other broad British stereotypes that I missed? Leave your Olympic-sized thoughts in our classy comments box below!