Published on June 25th, 2012 | by Fred Betzner1
Weekly News Flash: Cee Lo Green’s Pink Cockatoo and Arizona’s Day in (Supreme) Court
The following news stories are true. Jokes have been added where inappropriate because the author is a dick.
Cee Lo Green Desperately Wants to be a Pirate
Cee Lo Green, a musician and judge on NBC’s The Voice, angered PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) this past week when he debuted his new shoulder accessory in the form of an endangered pink Moluccan cockatoo named Lady. Mr. Green, who usually dresses like this…
…apparently felt that his wardrobe needed a bit of color.
“Lady’s name says it all,” Green commented to People magazine. “She’s my little lady with a big opinion. Sometimes whispers inappropriateness in my ear, but always ladylike.” Lady, whose name actually says very little of that, replaced Purrfect the cat, whose name obviously means that the cat likes to purr as well as indicating that she has an ear for pitchy-ness and cannot tolerate imprecision in the performance of a song.
Unfortunately, according to PETA, this particular species of cockatoo–in addition to being an endangered species–does not take well to being kept as a pet, often mutilating itself out of frustration.
No word yet on Mr. Green’s reaction to PETA’s complaint, but if one were to use the track listing from his most recent album as a barometer, his most likely response will most likely be “Love Gun.”
Supreme Court to Arizona: B*$@#, Please
On Monday, June 25th, The United States Supreme Court handed down a decision in a case concerning the State of Arizona’s right to arrest without warrant anyone suspected of being an illegal immigrant in a legal opinion that boiled down to: Naw, dawg, the Feds got dibs on kicking people out! The ruling established that if anyone was going to force people back into the hellish crossfire of warring Federales and drug cartels that is the Mexico of today thanks in large part to the United States’ drug policies, it’s going to be the Federal Government. Okay?
Sorry, Arizona — no you Mexi-can’t!