Lisa Brown, The Honorable Madame from Michigan Who Will Not Be Muffled
“And finally Mr. Speaker, I’m flattered that you’re all so interested in my vagina, but no means no.” – Rep. Lisa Brown
Was it something I said? Or something I said with my hand shoved in a mink sphincter?
Lisa, Lisa, Lisa … You know what you did, right? You went all classically female while you were at work and made it all about you. Like anyone is interested in your vagina. This abortion legislation thing isn’t personal, Love, we just know better than you what to do with your … front-bottom lady-cavern … so you leave the heavy thinking to us, Little Lady.
And start washing with this sexy soap for your tiny-hiney. NO, MA’AM! DON’T SAY VAGINA!
The shit storm of response to this single sentence has been, I don’t know what to say … Shitty?
Her phrasing is a little off-putting. I think we can agree, “And finally Mr. Speaker, I’m flattered that you’re all so interested in my vagina, but no means no,” is an unexpected tag-line to:
Yesterday we heard the representative from Holland speak about religious freedom. I’m Jewish. I keep kosher in my home. I have two sets of dishes, one for meat and one for dairy, and another two sets of dishes on top of that for Passover. Judaism believes that therapeutic abortions, namely abortions performed in order to preserve the life of the mother, are not only permissible but mandatory. The stage of pregnancy does not matter. Wherever there is a question of the life of the mother or that of the unborn child, Jewish law rules in favor of preserving the life of the mother. The status of the fetus as human life does not equal that of the mother. I have not asked you to adopt and adhere to my religious beliefs. Why are you asking me to adopt yours.
Because we CAN. Honestly, who is this broad? Heh!
The poor fellas in the Michigan House of Representatives must have been absolutely blown away by this tag-line, because I don’t think they realized abortions had anything to do with vaginas. So you can understand why they were so shaken by Lisa Brown and her claim that HER VERY OWN, PERSONAL VAGINA HAD BEEN ON THEIR MINDS.
I think that’s what did it. The “my” in front of “vagina” made it offensive. SO offensive and earth-shattering, that these guys couldn’t even remember or decipher what upset them in the first place.
Don’t you mean “your sin slot”?
You can’t say “vagina!” You can’t say “no means no!” You can’t say anything about the school employee retirement bill we’re talking about tomorrow, because you’ll probably whore up that discussion, too!
And I don’t want to seem like I have sour grapes over this whole situation, BUT! I heard Eve Ensler has cast this Lisa Brown-politician-woman in her latest production of The Vagina Monologues.
Eve Ensler says, “Bring signs, bring your vagina, bring your outrage, bring your humor.”
Sorry, Ms. Ensler. I don’t go anywhere without my outrage, but I’m leaving MY vagina at home tonight. I have big plans and don’t want to accidentally get raped. I hear abortions are increasingly regulated.
So wait, what?! Brown went all Kardashian on us? Pulled some publicity stunt with the V-word and suddenly, she’s got a starring role in a Tony Award-winning play? Taking freaking JOBS from WORKING CLASS, AMERICAN actresses, like me and you. Maybe not all of you. But, most of my readers are actresses, right?
Dance: Ten; Looks: Three. I’m still legislating unemployment. That ain’t it, kid; look what I did!
Obviously, I’m yanking your chain (OMG! that might be sexual!) about Brown staging this whole debacle just to get an acting job, but I think it was contrived, in the best possible way. It sounds like she was drinking with her friends (or engaging in hearty, chemically-sober rhetoric) and got a little fired up about the issues (rightly so!) and came up with, “I’m flattered that you’re all so interested in my vagina, but no means no.”
I read at least four and as many as 17 online articles about this vagina situation (my goal for the day is to Google the other 49 states + vagina) and only one of them highlighted that this bill in Michigan passed through the House. And includes bans on most abortions after 20 weeks post-conception to which I say: “Ladies and gentleman of the Michigan House of Representatives, have you seen this show?”
There are large, disturbing swaths of the American public that could use an abort button in their life. ZING.
About the Author
Molly Karrasch Molly Karrasch acts classy as an actor-ess in Austin, TX, often as a company member at austinplayhouse.com. She is also a producer of theatre, writer of ridiculousness, mother of boy, keeper of books and would never get anything done without Jay-Z. An enormous percentage of her time is spent trying to kick anorexia in the face. She once pulled a pocket knife on rapper Mack 10 in a mini-van in a Wal-Mart parking lot; RELAX, it was to HELP him.
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